I catch a ride with my mom to University everyday. She works at the University Hospital, so riding with her not only saves me gas money, but it also saves me having to pay to rent a parking spot that’s a 5 kilometre walk across hardened lava, rickety rope bridges, and quicksand pits. The unfortunate this is that mom has to be at work at 7:30am each and every single day. 7:30am. This may not seem too bad, but take into consideration that my classes start at 10:00am every day. That’s right, 10-fucking-o’clock. Not only does this rob me of precious time that could be spent drooling on my pillow in my underwear, enjoying a comatose-like state, but it makes me sit at the University for two and a half hours with absolutely nothing to do.

Mom always tells me that I can use this time for ‘catching up on homework’, but that’s bullshit. Everyone knows that homework only gets done if it absolutely needs to, and thus far there have been no such assignments. So, for the last couple weeks, I have been sitting on a bench and either reading a book or reading my RSS feeds; both of which I lost interest in on about the 4th day. Now what is a young boy to do with all this free time on his hands? I tried to sleep in the car once, but I quickly learned that car seats are the most uncomfortable beds ever, and that the airbag does not make a good pillow due to the fact that it doesn’t stay inflated for long. I tried searching around campus for a secluded room or bench that no one sits on where I could bring a pillow and blanket and nap, but it seems that the 20,000 kids going to the U of S are out to get me by inhabiting every single plush bench on campus.

So since sleeping is out of the picture, it seems that I would have to find an activity that I could do while awake to fill my free time. Days went by with me wandering the lonely halls of University, searching, craving for something to do. I was like a ghost, floating past classrooms and lecture halls without a destination, and only the unhappy knowledge that I could be laying in bed right now. It wasn’t until I went for some coffee that I realized what I was put here so early to do. I would become friends with the women that worked at Tim Hortons.

It was so simple, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t thought of it before. I went there almost everyday to purchase some coffee that would help me through those cold, lonely mornings, and there was always dudes that went up to the counter only to be greeted by the middle-aged woman that knew their first name, their method of transportation to school, their drink, their drink size, and what they had planned for the day (ex: “Oh hello Robert! Must have been a cold bike ride to school today I bet. Let me guess, large coffee with two sugar, one cream? … Here you go! I hope you have fun at your Biology lab this afternoon!) Just hearing this makes me jealous of the biker who drinks large coffees. How awesome would it be to come to school, and have the woman working at Tim Hortons grab you your desired hot-beverage without you even having to say a word? It’s like you have your own personal robot, except instead of an antenna on its head, yours has a brown visor and a hairnet. Just thinking about this new possible University-residing friend fills me with such warmth that only a large mocha could replicate.

The friend-making will begin on Monday. Watch out ladies, here comes your new best pal.