Today I saw someone run down the hallway at school. Normally an event like this wouldn’t even deserve a second thought, much less a post on one of the most esteemed blogs on the internet. However, this dude running down the hall wasn’t a normal dude, he was ULTIMATE-DEATH-METAL-FAN-DUDE!

He looked sort of like these fellows, except way more hardcore and scary. One of the differences was that the dude I saw was wearing approximately 20lbs of chains on, about, or near his body. He simply loved them! They covered his pants, his jacket, and his Cradle of Filth t-shirt. Even his big black boots were covered in chains! I would have approached him and called him Alice (link to Alice in chains), but he unfortunately ran away.

The remarkable thing about him running was that it sounded totally unlike the music he most likely enjoyed listening to. All those chains were clinking and clanging together so wonderfully that it sounded like there was no less than a DOZEN horse-drawn sleighs covered in jingle bells being pulled down the street on Christmas Eve as snow lightly powdered the ground. You can image his obvious embarrassment when he realized that his badass appearance, instead of spreading depression and moshpit tenancies, instead produced beautiful Christmas music.

I would have yelled out “Play ‘Deck the Halls’!”, but I was very afraid that he would stomp me with his giant black army boots.