So Long, Old Friend

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hey baby, how’s it going? … Oh, well that’s good to hear … Haha yeah I guess so, right? … Ahh, anyway, there’s something I need to talk to you about … No, well, I dunno … Please, don’t be worried, just let me talk to you, okay? … Okay, here it is, plain and simple: this isn’t going to last; I’ve found someone else … No, … C’mon, please, just let me finish … You have been the center of my life since October 24th, 2006. It’s been awesome; I have absolutely no regrets. But, you see, there’s someone better. … No, no, I know better is a harsh word, but it’s the right one. I’m just trying to be honest with you … Her name? Fine, I guess you have the right to know. Her name is Firefox 3. … Yes, I know that you two have met before … Younger? What does that have to do with anything? … Please, stop crying, … No, I know … Just let me finish … We were introduced a while back, and it’s like ever since then, I haven’t been able to get her off my mind. All those new features an- … No, your features were great too, don’t get me wrong, there’s just these little extra touches that make her so much more appealing. Plus, she is so nice on memory, it’s awesome … No no, I’m not calling you high-maintenance … C’mon now, you’re putting words in my mouth, … Cheated? Cheated?! … I have NEVER cheated on you, and you know it! … WHAT?! RC1 and RC2?! … Yeah, sure I was eying them up a bit, but that doesn’t mean I used them, … Fine. I downloaded RC2, but I never installed her … I swear to God I didn’t install her! … Oh please, Firefox 2, don’t cry … How can you ask that? You know that with FF3 around I won’t need you anymore. I know it sounds blunt, but it’s true … Shh, it’ll be alright … Of course I won’t forget you … No, of course not. You will always have a special place in my heart … No? How about I keep a picture of you on my blog? … No, I’m serious. I’ll put it in its very own post and everything so I can look back and remember you … I know it’s hard, but don’t worry, everything will be okay … of course we can still be friends … Yeah, she’s coming over on Tuesday, … Yes, I’m sure you and FF3 will get along fine; you already have so much in common … Okay, sounds good … Yep, … I know, I will … Okay, I’ll see you around. Please don’t be sad. … Alright, see you … Bye.

Click.

Miley Cyrus Magic

In the song See You Again by Miley Cyrus (or her alias, Hannah Montana), there’s one part that blows my mind whenever I hear it. The subtle mixture of bass and vocals makes me shiver with happiness whenever it comes on. It’s like Jesus himself is dishing out these almighty drum beats. If you want to listen to it in context, it’s from approximately 2:33 - 2:36.

Disclaimer: I am not a fan of Miley. My attraction to the three seconds of one of her singles is purely coincidental; it could have been any song by any artist.

Departmental Final

Today I had to write my fourth Grade 12 final. I was pretty nervous about writing it, but once I got going it was actually pretty easy. Anyway, when a teacher doesn’t have the ‘authorization’ to write her own finals, then the students have to write departmental finals, which are the ones the government writes and sends. They consist of 50 multiple choice with the little bubbles you get to colour in, and they come with a giant envelope that you have to put the test in when your done.

I was looking at this envelope and I noticed that there was a space at the bottom labled ‘Candidate Comments’. Curious, I asked the teacher what that space was for, and if I could write whatever I wanted on it. She laughed a little bit and read me an excerpt from the ‘Test Rules’ page. It went something like this:

“If there is any sign from what is written in the Candidate Comments section that the student is under severe emotional stress or pain, has self-harming tendancies, or any indication that he or she has commited a serious crime such as murder or theft, appropriate measures will be taken to bring him or her the help or justice that is needed.”

So, when I heard that, I had a good laugh. Then, once I had finished my test, I found myself staring at this section of the envelope and wondering what would happen if I wrote something like “This test was so hard, I just wanted to die!” or “I wonder if you could murder a man with a standard HB pencil…” or “All this thinking is hurting my head. I want the pain to stop. This time, for good!”

Of course I didn’t write any of these things, but I thought it would be kind of humorous if I did. Until they took me to jail or some kind of psychiatric hospital, that is.

Best Of White Ninja #6

I’m sure everyone reading this, male or female, has done this at some point in their lives.

I have on many occasions. And every time, despite the repetitious, slightly lame joke, still manages to produce hilarity (personally of course; no one else ever laughs).

Toilet Patent

Just now, as I was researching points for a Canadian History Timeline, I found probably the funniest coincidence of all time.

In 1861, the ‘Flush Toilet’ was patented by a man named Thomas Crapper.

Ahh, I love things like this.

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